Still Not Enough?

I'm Perfectly Me :)

Smiles :(

Smiles are like Band-aids...


.... they cover up the pain...




but ...



IT STILL HURTS!!!

:)

 He's not the best looking, he's not the smartest guy in the world...
 He can be a jerk sometimes... But for one reason ... "I don't Care"
I LOVE HIM.. xD..

I Admit it. I'm the 'advice giver' to a problematic friend, but when it comes to my own problems i can't find a solution

I Guess This is It...

.. i guess this is the time i say goodbye to my blog..
.. i'm sorry ..
.. these things was supposed to be only for me..
.. but i trust her .. :)
.. but i guess i can't deactivate the very thing that i shared my problems with ...
.. haixt..
what to do.. what to do.. :'(

What If?

what if i'm tired faking myself.. lying to myself ..
what if every move make is a lie..
what if my friends see the "happy-go-lucky-girl",
sad and crying ... drowning in her own misery ..
what if that girl is so immature that he fakes her way so she won't let her friends be as sad as her..
what if she's just pretending to be happy so she can make others happy ..
what if she's just laughing and having fun for others..
but for herself she can't do it..
because she laughs for the sake of others..
'cause she knows that if her friends saw her crying .. they will be worried.. and share the same misery that she's experiencing..
she would be nothing but a bother to her friends..
nothing but a BOTHER!!
waste of time..
listening to her ..
even she herself can't take the misery she's experiencing..
and why bother telling people my misery .. when i can handle by my own .. without entering anyone's life and making it worse because of me..
she would feel bad about herself by bothering those people that loves her ..
bother.bother.bother.bother..... she don't wanna be like that ...
she wanna be the friend who cheers up her friends by being happy outside ... but inside she is dying emotionally every second of her life yet living physically .. random but true ... absurd but that's her..
FAKER is what she is .. she may look happy outside ... if you can see through her heart .. she is very alone ..
a very sad girl who fakes her life for others... so she can make others happy.. yet killing herself through misery.. m

sad part is .. the girl is ME..

hope i can forget this misery.. :'(

Meg (Hercules) - I won't say I'm in love

I Have the Bestest Little Brother .. :)))

.. he's always there for me when i needed him..
.. he cheers me up when i'm sad..
.. maybe we are not genetically alike ..
.. maybe we are not real brothers and sisters.. but i feel that  i'm much closer to him than my real brothers .. <3

I HATE LOVE

*its icky
*its disgusting
*its inappropriate
*you do it just for fun..
*you love because you're not loved
*i hate it because i can't have the only person who owns my heart.. 'cause he loves someone else ..
soooo sad.. :'(

Why?

why do i feel so useless..
why do i feel soooo stupid...
maybe its not just my feelings...
maybe its true..
i'm a useless person who can't make my parents proud..
i loathe my life..
i wish one night when i'm asleep..
i would just stop breathing..
my heart would just stop beating..
i'm over pretending to my friends that i'm okay when i'm dying inside ..
i felt like i lost everything..
i lost my mom .. even when she's here beside me..
i lost my dad.. even if we see each other everyday..
i lost my brothers.. even if i talk to them almost every day ..
i lost my friends..
i lost my family..
i lost EVERYTHING
.. i feel so alone ..
what did i do wrong to deserve this?
.. i'm happy when i'm talking to my  friends.. 'cause i don't wanna tuck them into my problems..
i don't wanna ruin their lives just o i can live mine better..
i don't wanna enter any other person's life to get help to save me from this misery ..
I'M ALONE .. even if there a lot of people surrounding me... still I FEEL SO ALONE ..
i don't know what to do any more ..
i am one sad gurl .. :'(

Love Me For Me

Love me for me..
No comparisons..
No Expectations
No "I was hoping you'd be more....... "
No "That person is better than you..."
No anything ..
JUST ME!!!

Love Sick ..

Love sick
I’m not the one you want or the one you need, but I still want you. Your smile, your laugh, your love, everything. You want everything, everything but me. I’m not in a movie and I am not Cinderella, so why do I think I can have you? Because I think I can have something actually work out for me in this god-forsaken world. But I don’t deserve it, or you. I keep saying there is no chance that you like me, and I deny it when my friends say I am pretty and amazing. But even though I say things I think there is hope that you do like me and think I’m pretty, but it’s unlikely. So I tell people a little lie and hope they don’t know I am dying on the inside. What if they do, what if they could see right through this mask I’m wearing and see the girl who never cries, crying. And if you only knew would I feel better? Or would I be sick of love, sick of waiting for someone who will never come, sick of feeling alone and unloved. If this is true I just wish it could all end, end faster than your life after a bullet to the head. Sometimes I question why we love at all. Is it for the satisfaction or is it just so we can play with people’s minds. It may as well both. All I am asking for is an answer to all of this an answer to why we love, why we get heartbroken, but most of all how we find a cure to heartache.

Some Love One, Some Love Two, I Love One And That Is Y-O-U

Am I Even Existing.. :'(

i woke up every morning with an expectation "today will be different, today they will love me, today i'm going to be good, today i'm going to make them proud".. but this expectation is always overshadowed with.. well, most likely everything.. Every time i get out of my room when they see me.. they're smiles disappears and everything i do is always wrong.. whatever i do is bad.. i just don't know what to think anymore.. how am i gonna make them proud and get even just a little affection from them.. i don't ask much.. just a little affection .. is that asking for too much? i just need a little affection just so i can prove to myself that i exist .. sometimes, i ask myself "if i did not exist what would the world be?" i think its gonna be a better place without me.. i'm always causing problems .. i don't even know what i did.. but still they say i'm a nuisance .. everything i do is wrong!! i think its right . but still in their eyes.. everything is wrong about me.. they can see through everything in me .. EVERYTHING but my heart.. aren't they aware that i have feelings too .. aren't they aware that i'm human too .. i cry, i smile, i laugh, i get hurt.. but whenever i'm inside this house .. i just feel soooooooooooo unappreciated .. that i don't even exist here .. i just wish one night when i'm asleep i would just typically stop breathing.. nothing will change anyway even when i'm gone ..
But too much drama in this house drives me crazy .. that's why my friends are just one text message away from me.. good thing i have friends or else .. i leaved this place a loooooooonnnnggg time ago.. my friends are always there to cheer me up .. even if they don't have prepaid load to text me .. still i can sense that they care for me.. i'm so lucky to have them.. i always smile for no reason while i receive a text message from them... i don't know what's with the message that makes me smile .. but .. i think its not the message .. it's the sender ..
but still even if i have good friends ... i always think that God has a way to make me happier than the feeling that i get when i'm with my friends.. i just gotta live my life .. and enjoy it.. while it lasts .. :)) ..

Never Mind, There's Tomorrow .. :))

Once, there lived a child. He lived in a happy family, with parents and siblings. However, he never stopped to think about how wonderful his life had been. He just kept on playing, squabbling with his siblings when they did not want to play what he wanted to play. However, when he wanted to apologize, he always said, "Never mind, there's tomorrow."

When he grew up a little, school was a very nice place for him. He learned, made friends, and was very happy. However, he never thought that this was happiness to him. It all came so naturally that he felt it should become part of his life. One day, he had a great fight with his best friend. Though he knew he was in the wrong, he never took the initiative to apologize or made up with his best friend. His excuse was, "Never mind, I'll do it tomorrow."

When he grew up yet some more, that best friend was no longer part of his. Even though he still sees his friend around, but they don't even greet each other. But that was all right, because he still had other good friends. He and his friends did almost everything together, eating, playing, doing homework, and fooling around. Yes, they were another bunch of very good friends.

When he graduated, work kept him very busy. He's found himself a very pretty and virtuous girlfriend and she soon became his constant companion. He made himself busy with work, because he wanted to get promoted to the highest position with the shortest time possible.

Sure, he missed his good friends. He missed them a lot. But he never got down to keep in touch with them, not even a telephone call. He always said, "Boy, I'm so tired, I'll catch up with them tomorrow." It didn't affect him at all because he could find colleagues who are always willing to go pubing with him. Thus, as time passes by, he's forgotten to call his friends.

After he's got married with kids, he works even harder in order to bring comfort to his family. He never buys flowers for his wife anymore, nor does he remember his wife's birthdays and wedding anniversary. It was all right because his wife always understood him, and never blamed him. Of course, he felt guilty at times and wanted very much to have a chance to say to his wife "I love you", but he never got down to doing it. His excuse was "never mind, I'll do it tomorrow for sure". He never made it to his children's birthday parties, but his time he did not knew how it would affect the children. The children began to drift away from him, as they never really spent time with their father.

One day, disaster struck when his wife was killed in an accident. It was a hit and run accident. But on that day, he was in the middle of a meeting. Failing to understand that it is a fatal accident, he arrived by his wife's deathbed only to see her on the verge of death. Before he could mouth out the words "I love you", his wife had already passed away.

The man became despondent and tried to find solace in his children after his wife's death. However, he soon realized that the children do not even try to communicate with him. Soon, his children have grown up and found their own families. Nobody cared for this old man who in the past hadn't spared his time for them.

He moved into the best Old Folk's Home, which provides excellent service with the money he has saved for him and his wife's 50th, 60th, and 70th anniversary celebrations. All the money intended to go to Hawaii, New Zealand, and other countries went into the fund that pays for his stay in the home.

From that time until his deathbed, there were only old folks and nurses taking care of him. He now felt the loneliness that he did not feel before. Upon his deathbed, he called a nurse in and said to her, "Ah. If only I had realized this earlier... " and died with tears upon his cheek.

What I am trying to tell you is time never stops. You go on and on, and before you realized it, you've already gone very far. If you had quarreled, make up quickly!

If you feel you need to hear your friend's voice, don't hesitate to pick up the phone.

If there are many dreams that you wish to fulfill, fulfill them as soon as possible.

Lastly, but most importantly, if you feel you need to tell somebody that you care, don't wait until it is too late. If you keep thinking you will do that another day, then that day will never come. If you always think that tomorrow will come, then 'tomorrow' will run out quickly and you'll realize the time that you've left behind you.