Am I Even Existing.. :'(

i woke up every morning with an expectation "today will be different, today they will love me, today i'm going to be good, today i'm going to make them proud".. but this expectation is always overshadowed with.. well, most likely everything.. Every time i get out of my room when they see me.. they're smiles disappears and everything i do is always wrong.. whatever i do is bad.. i just don't know what to think anymore.. how am i gonna make them proud and get even just a little affection from them.. i don't ask much.. just a little affection .. is that asking for too much? i just need a little affection just so i can prove to myself that i exist .. sometimes, i ask myself "if i did not exist what would the world be?" i think its gonna be a better place without me.. i'm always causing problems .. i don't even know what i did.. but still they say i'm a nuisance .. everything i do is wrong!! i think its right . but still in their eyes.. everything is wrong about me.. they can see through everything in me .. EVERYTHING but my heart.. aren't they aware that i have feelings too .. aren't they aware that i'm human too .. i cry, i smile, i laugh, i get hurt.. but whenever i'm inside this house .. i just feel soooooooooooo unappreciated .. that i don't even exist here .. i just wish one night when i'm asleep i would just typically stop breathing.. nothing will change anyway even when i'm gone ..
But too much drama in this house drives me crazy .. that's why my friends are just one text message away from me.. good thing i have friends or else .. i leaved this place a loooooooonnnnggg time ago.. my friends are always there to cheer me up .. even if they don't have prepaid load to text me .. still i can sense that they care for me.. i'm so lucky to have them.. i always smile for no reason while i receive a text message from them... i don't know what's with the message that makes me smile .. but .. i think its not the message .. it's the sender ..
but still even if i have good friends ... i always think that God has a way to make me happier than the feeling that i get when i'm with my friends.. i just gotta live my life .. and enjoy it.. while it lasts .. :)) ..